The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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