party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
