A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
