The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
home. puking in laundry basket.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
