I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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