I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He shit in the fireplace
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
