so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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