you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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