I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
