this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize