Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
