apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
