you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
