My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
