I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His hands were made for my vagina.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am naked and annoyed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
