Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I smell stomach acid.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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