sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
