I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
