Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize