I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just blew my weed a kiss
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
