We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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