i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
