Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
