Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
