Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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