Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize