Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
