So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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