I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dick very happy bro
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
