There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
