I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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