grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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