i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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