she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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