It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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