I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
