his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
