At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
