There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize