could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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