I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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