Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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