When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
