Swine flu. Run for my life!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
