I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
there is glitter all over my balls
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