cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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