I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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