He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
