Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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