I wish they made helmets for livers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You took a bar mat shot.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
