I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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