Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
