lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
