So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
