you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
