Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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