I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
