When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
