WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
