ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
