real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
