I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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