I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
