Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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