Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
