Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
