you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
