I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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