Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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