I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
