you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
