saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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