I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
