I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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