There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
