I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
