none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
