i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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