He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
