The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
