Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
