God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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