hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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