The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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