Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
