sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
