then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
