I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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