OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Are we still banned from the library?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
