would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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