i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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