I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize