I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My life is pants optional.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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