I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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