my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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