I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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