I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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