You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
