and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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