Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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