I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
