I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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