What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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