i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
